Very infrequent, very unnecessary ... but still!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Little Johny ... at his best

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. "Johnny, what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in thethird-grade too!" Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.
The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir."
"How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the principal thought at hird-grade should know.
The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said,"I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed. Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"


"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"


"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, deliciousand contains thin whitish liquid?"


"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop theanswer, Johnny was taking charge.


"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

"Shake hands, Ma'am."

"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."

Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"

"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with

"Wedding Ring!"

"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,you feel good."


"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."


"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends inK', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"

"Fire truck, Ma'am!"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"


Friday, July 22, 2005

Hold your horses ...

Roger lived by himself on a remote stretch of beach. One day as he was riding his horse along the shore he saw a beautiful woman painting a canvas. He rode up and down in front of her, but she didn't react to him.
"I'll paint my horse yellow," he decided, "and then she'll notice me. She'll say,'Oh, I see you have a yellow horse.' I'll start talking to her and then I'll invite her back to my cabin for lunch and we'll have a bottle of wine, and then I'll open another bottle and we'll talk some more, and then it'll start to get cold so I'll light a fire, and we'll be sitting close in front of it. Soon we'll gently touch, then kiss, then make beautiful love all night. Yeah, that's what I'll do."
The next day he painted his horse yellow and went in search of the woman. As he approached she looked up and said, "I see you have a yellow horse."
"Yeah," Roger said. "Wanna get laid?"


Good Luck Mr. Gorsky

This is an old, very old one ... but it always makes me smile ....

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual common traffic between him, Buzz Aldrin, and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lunar module, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning a rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

While this quote has been doing rounds from a long time and many believe this to be true, it is actually false. This link here tells you ...


Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Classic Restroom Graffiti

a.. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. --Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
b.. Beauty is only a light switch away. --Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
c.. I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. --Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
d.. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" --Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.
e.. God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust? -- The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
f.. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap --Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
g.. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. --Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.
h.. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. --Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.
i.. Make love, not war.--Hell, do both, get married! -- Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.
j.. God is dead. -Nietzsche; Nietzsche is dead. -God --The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.
k.. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --Revolution Books. New York, New York.
l.. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. --Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.


Deciphering Möbius

Ok, so you are wondering what is this wierd name "Möbius" ... It is a strip that (technically) has only 1 side and 1 edge. This is what a Möbius strip looks like

If you want to know more about it, here is a link that explains it all This was one of those things that caught my interest and I thought of using that as my name here in this blog world.


My First Post ...

Aah, so this is how this works ... not as difficult as I thought it would be ... fairly simple. Let me see what I can bring here ... Ciao!