The 9-11 Divorce

First divorce directly related to 9-11 blasts ...
read it here Cheeky: The Divorce

Conception of Salaam Namaste ...

How they came up with this movie:
Aditya Chopra (producer): ...But you know it gotta be new.
Siddharth Anand (director): Lets see what we can do? How about a new location?
A: Oh yes! In the past movies, We've been to London, new york, LA.. how about Melbourne this time?
S: Fantastic! and we can have a couple of beach songs there, you know thats the latest trend these days.
A: OK Lets talk about the story. I've an idea, lets do a different kind of romantic movie.
S: What different?
A: How about if we make a modern day love story, girl and boy both living outside India. That way we can also capture those NRI sentiments you know?
S: Whoa whoa! But that we have already seen in so many other movies lately. Need to add something more to it.
A: How about if the boy and the girl live together?
S: Live-in relationships? Indian audience will never accept that.
A: Ha! They are going' to jump on it, it will be a fresh story, wholly new idea, you know. Boy and girl stay together, fall in love, have sex, and then the girl becomes pregnant.
S: You are talking about "nine-months"?
A: whatever! how many in India have watched nine months? forget it. people are just going to love the idea.
S: OK so the story is finalized. What about the music?
A: Yeh, we need one or two dance item numbers, one wedding song?
S: why a wedding song?
A: You don't understand! its that superstition thing!
S: OK OK! But how are we going to have dance numbers when the heroine is pregnant?
A: Don't worry! Audience won't care. They come only to see the dance and songs. Nobody gives a damn even if she dances while giving birth to her baby.
A: I've got this gut feeling, in last movie remember, people loved the comedy. We have to have that in this movie too.
S: But its a serious movie. How can it have comedy?
A: Then arrange some part time TV actor. You know those anchors, they can speak so much on the spot you don't even need to worry about writing dialogs for them.
S: Thats fine. How about the cast?
A: Lets see, Preity is hot these day. See if we get dates from Preity, else go for Rani. Male actor, I don't think Shahrukh is that good after Swades. and Aamir, just don't approach him, he'll demand the god-damn script first.
S: Then how about Saif.
A: He'll do. Anything else?
S: We'll see that on the sets. Lets start working on it.

Revenge of the "TeleMarketed"

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer?" Not sounding anything like my name, I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally, and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood," and then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy, and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.
The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and that the police were entering the building to take him into custody.
At that point I heard the telephone receiver fall, and the scurrying ofthe telemarketer's feet as he was running away.
As I returned to the dinner table, my wife asked me why I had tears streaming down my face, and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but after what I had pulled, it was the best meal I'd had in a long, long time...

Selling Bibles (seriously Funny)

Came across this good, clean joke in a long time. Enjoy ....

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.
So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each To raise the desperately needed money for the church.Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.The minister knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles.But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles.He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last Week?"Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.""Fine job, Peter!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the church last week?"Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied," I Am A professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, And here's $280 I collected."The minister responded, " That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents."What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?Louie just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.""Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh -sh-sh-sure," he stammered.Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!""A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"

Alligator !!!

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Little Johny ... at his best

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. "Johnny, what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in thethird-grade too!" Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.
The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir."
"How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the principal thought at hird-grade should know.
The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said,"I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed. Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"



Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"

"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"


"Pockets!"

"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"


"Pants."

"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, deliciousand contains thin whitish liquid?"



"Coconut!"


"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop theanswer, Johnny was taking charge.




"Bubblegum!"



"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"





"Shake hands, Ma'am."








"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."




Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"

"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with



"Wedding Ring!"








"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,you feel good."






"Nose."






"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."




"Arrow."

"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends inK', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"





"Fire truck, Ma'am!"



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Hold your horses ...

Roger lived by himself on a remote stretch of beach. One day as he was riding his horse along the shore he saw a beautiful woman painting a canvas. He rode up and down in front of her, but she didn't react to him.
"I'll paint my horse yellow," he decided, "and then she'll notice me. She'll say,'Oh, I see you have a yellow horse.' I'll start talking to her and then I'll invite her back to my cabin for lunch and we'll have a bottle of wine, and then I'll open another bottle and we'll talk some more, and then it'll start to get cold so I'll light a fire, and we'll be sitting close in front of it. Soon we'll gently touch, then kiss, then make beautiful love all night. Yeah, that's what I'll do."
The next day he painted his horse yellow and went in search of the woman. As he approached she looked up and said, "I see you have a yellow horse."
"Yeah," Roger said. "Wanna get laid?"

Good Luck Mr. Gorsky

This is an old, very old one ... but it always makes me smile ....

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual common traffic between him, Buzz Aldrin, and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lunar module, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning a rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"


While this quote has been doing rounds from a long time and many believe this to be true, it is actually false. This link here tells you ...

Classic Restroom Graffiti

a.. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. --Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
b.. Beauty is only a light switch away. --Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
c.. I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. --Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
d.. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" --Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.
e.. God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust? -- The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
f.. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap --Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
g.. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. --Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.
h.. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. --Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.
i.. Make love, not war.--Hell, do both, get married! -- Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.
j.. God is dead. -Nietzsche; Nietzsche is dead. -God --The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.
k.. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --Revolution Books. New York, New York.
l.. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. --Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.